Grace Emmanuel Church
Pastor Sam Chess
From Forgiven to Forgiving
Can you pick out which one's are truth and which are error? ...
1) Forgiveness is overlooking what went wrong?
2) Forgetting what they did and not holding it against them?
3) Letting go of the grudge you have against them?
4) I can forgive people but I have a hard time forgetting
5) With time I always forgive people?
6) I can't forgive him because he won't acknowledge what he did
wrong?
7) What does it take to be forgiven…say a verse from your holy
book?
Let's wade right in here… Point #1.
I. From Forgiven to Forgiving I usually don't stop and
emphasis the main points but I want to make you get this #1 point
today. From Forgiven to Forgiving The idea that any of
us on this planet would just naturally have an attribute called
"forgiveness toward others" welling up within… is absurd. If mankind
did indeed evolve from a tadpole, to an animal, and finally into what
we are today…then where did this "moral consciousness come" from? Who
says somebody did right and somebody else did wrong? Animals don't
try to figure out who is in the "right"…. And animals don't forgive
each other!
Forgiveness is a matter of one's soul! Without a soul there would
be no moral consciousness of right and wrong. Without a God there
would be no soul…no morality…no right vs. wrong….no forgiveness!
Were going to be bringing here, soon, a small group study, video
series, called the "Truth Project". Christopher, Reva, and I have
been absorbing this material for the last three weeks, and it is
fascinating to listen to atheists try to explain away the wonder of
the universe…to trivialize the complexity of the human body as the
product of mere chance multiplied by billions of years.
And none of them can begin to explain why all of us here have this
deeply buried sense inside us… of what is right and what is wrong.
Most of us have some sense of what we have done (are doing) wrong to
God and others (conscience, conviction) …and we are acutely
aware…sometimes even more so, of the wrong others have done to us.
That's what we are honing in on here today…we do all
have a deep inner conviction of what is right and what is wrong…
implanted inside us by the Creator of the universe
… And when somebody's actions, toward us, step over that line…
they offend us… or hurt us…or emotionally stab us deeply… or in some
cases so violate us that they negatively change the courses of our
lives.
We react! Rightly so…We're angry…we're outraged! We're hurt, we're
crushed We're wounded, sometimes to the very core of our being.
Do we have a right to be angry, do we have a right
to build bitterness and hatred, do we have a right to
retaliate, do we have a right to seek vengeance?
On some earthy level of justice… I suppose the answer would be
yes.
But according to God's moral code…the answer is no! God teaches
that hurts and offenses against us are to be met not with
retaliation, but with forgiveness. No other place in the universe
does this inside-out concept show up except in mankind's relationship
with God and mankind's relationship with each other.
A wrong action is committed… it deserves a clear and harsh
response for justice to take place. God says NO…not in this case… I
want your response to be exactly the opposite of what justice
deserves. Instead of retaliation … I want you to forgive! Instead of
carrying around buried hurt and bitterness I want you to release the
person from the wrong they have done to you.
Forgiveness - the act of setting someone free from an emotional
debt to you, that is the result of wrong/sinful actions done to you.
This goes sharply against our natural inclinations…
A) "My offenders don't deserve my forgiveness!"
Exactly…and neither did we. Our sins against God piled up into a
mountain. We offended God in every way possible. We broke his heart…
ignored his love and grace.. and when he sent His Son to this world
to redeem humanity from their sins, mankind's response was to murder
him on a cross.
God modeled for us the attitude he wants to implants into every
one of our hearts. It's the opposite of our natural response…it has
to be a God response…
Ephesians 1:7-8 He is so rich in kindness and grace that he
purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our
sins. 8 He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom
and understanding. (NLT)
Notice that we deserved to be bound in our sins…we deserved the
wages of what those sins had earned us.. death. But in this
upside-down response God says: I will purchase you freedom…I will
erase your sins. I will shower you with kindness even when what you
deserve is the exact opposite!
Let me bring back a slightly modified statement from last week:
It make logical sense… and theo-logical sense… that a
God who pours unlimited forgiveness in the direction of those
whose sin's hurt him…would expect, in return, for us to be
equally forgiving of those who's sins hurt us.
Lo and behold…that's exactly what he asks of us…
Ephesians 4:30-32 And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy
Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his
own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. 31
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as
well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each
other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God
through Christ has forgiven you. (NLT)
How do I do that? Some of us here have years of buried hurt and
thus, perhaps, years of buried bitterness. It's all well and good to
talk about how God forgave us when we were unforgivable… but then
after all…He is God and he can do anything.
It's nice to say that God expects the same attitude he showed
toward me to be shown to other people…but I'm human… I'm still
stinging on the inside. I've tried to forgive and forget but the tape
just keeps replaying in my mind. In many cases if the hurting person
is, in anyway, still connected to my life, their continued wrong
actions keep ripping the scab off the wound just as it is starting to
heal.
Chess, you've already said, in this series, that forgiveness is
abnormal behavior for humans…it's obviously normal behavior for God.
The only way I could possibly completely forgive those who have
deeply hurt me is if somehow God took what is normal behavior to him
and supernaturally implanted it to replace what is not normal
behavior for me!
Yeeeees! If God expects us to respond to others with his level of
forgiveness…it's going to have to be something that flows through us
from above. The idea that somehow you're going to manufacture
forgiveness from within your fallen human nature just doesn't make
sense… does it. If you're going to forgive that person who deeply
wronged you… that you have not yet come up with the grace to
forgive…it's going to have to be a God thing.
Isn't it?
II. What Forgiveness is Not!
A) Forgiveness is not play acting.
Remember when you were a kid and you were forced to forgive
someone who was forced to say they were sorry. My older sister and I
used to get into fights and my parents would force us to apologize
and then we had to kiss. (I don't know where that came from but that
was one of the most repugnant memories of my childhood.)
When the whole charade is over, the parents have found temporary
relief from the fighting…but about how much real forgiveness do you
think has taken place?___
This child pantomime sometimes carries into adulthood. The fact
that you said you forgave somebody or even told them you forgave them
doesn't mean you really did.
I heard, someone this week, say they forgave someone and three
minutes later they were proclaiming, very, very, loudly about the
same thing… all over again.
A) Forgiveness is not play acting.
>> B) Forgiveness is not denial…
We sometimes get deluded into thinking that if we can simply put
somebody's hurtful actions out of our mind we have forgiven them.
We know God "forgives and forgets"…We think perhaps we can turn
that around to us forgetting and forgiving. If I'm not presently
thinking about that person I must have forgiven them. Problem is… we
can lose sight of the person's face and still have ingrown bitterness
deep inside pervading the rest of our human relationships.
Forgiving will allow forgetting…but forgetting will not bring
forgiving!
I admitted to you last week some buried hurts that had bubbled to
the surface in me after 15 years of lying dormant. How I actually
found hatred inside for someone whom I rarely ever even thought
about.
This week my wife asked me if I ever felt bitter about the man who
had stopped my ordination. I didn't remember such an incident so she
gave it too me line by line. One of my friends whom I grew up with,
was the son of wealthy parents. On his sixteenth birthday he received
the title to a commercial building…. I received a shirt or something.
In my early 20's I was set to be ordained in ministry. My parents
flew down from PA. A special guest was called in to officiate. Late
on Saturday evening this man called and asked how I could be ordained
when my failed company still owed him money. I asked, doesn't it make
any difference that I'm giving you monthly payments and I'm well on
the way to paying you off. No he replied…I don't think you should be
ordained.
That was a horrific night of soul searching… and I finally I
cancelled the ordination!
I re-pondered that this week. I thoroughly forgave the man for
what I perceived as unfair. I literally just recounted that story
based on my wife's memory…. because I have virtually no memory of it
all.
The difference between this story and the one I gave you last week
is: This one I forgave… and forgot. The other I just tried to
forget…. And bitterness and hatred remained in me for 15 years.
This is a very serious issue to God:
I John 2:9 If anyone claims, “I am living in the light,” but hates
a Christian brother or sister, that person is still living in
darkness… 11 But anyone who hates another brother or sister is still
living and walking in darkness. Such a person does not know the way
to go, having been blinded by the darkness. (NLT)
I saw this passage a little differently this week; I've always
thought it was distinguishing between a Christian and a sinner. You
can't "hate a Christian brother or sister" unless you, yourself, are
a brother or sister. Is it possible for a person to be a Christian
and still be walking around with buried hatred on the inside. I've
already admitted to being one!
The problem is… hatred on the inside causes, even the Christian to
be "blinded by darkness".
This is, also, where this whole issue of "forgive to be forgiven"
enters in:
Mark 11:25 But when you are praying, first forgive anyone
you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will
forgive your sins, too.” (NLT)
Think through the logic…or lack of logic… of us coming to our
forgiving God over and over for forgiveness of our many
transgressions…and we expect him to continue to forgive us, no matter
what we have done…no matter how many times we have done it…
Then we turn to those who have wronged us and say: I can't forgive
what you've done or how many times you've done it.
Then we run back to God and say: Here I am again ready for more
forgiveness.
C) Forgiveness is releasing the opportunity for retribution.
Let's face it… there is a perverted sort of intoxicating appeal to
massage thoughts in our mind of what we would like to see happen to
our offenders. We will gladly "forgive" them if only we can watch
their lives descent into chaos and ruin.
Ephesians 4:26-31 "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the
sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a
foothold…. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you
were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness,
rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of
malice. (NLT)
Christopher showed us Wednesday evening we are supposed to love
our enemies. What if…instead of staking your offender down on a
bed of fire ants…God would rather, save them, clean them up, and
bless their future just like yours.
Colossians 3:12-17 Since God chose you to be the holy people
he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy,
kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance
for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you.
Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
Conclusion: Steps to Forgiveness
I've summarized this list of seven…to make them sound like seven
easy steps…they are not easy…but they are possible… and they are part
of God's command to every Christian!
1) Recognize that you have been fully and freely forgiven by God
2) Pinpoint those people in your life that you haven't equally
forgiven
3) Release those people from the debt owed by their offenses
Remember this is not a human thing…this is a God thing. Your role
is to make yourself completely willing…it is the gracious forgiveness
of God that will flow into you and out through you making lasting
forgiveness possible…
4) Accept those person for who and what they are, just as they are
5) Release them from the responsibility to meet your expectations
6) Ask God to show them, to you, as His tool in releasing grace to
you.
7) Make reconciliation…if possible
