Pastor Sam Chess

The #1 Cause Of Sin!!!

(Romans 12:4-5) Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. (NIV)During this ‘40 Days of Community,’ we are trying to accomplish two things:

1) Deepening our relationships within our church family and..

2) Reaching out in love to the community around our church family

Remember two weeks ago; we were created for “community“. We’re wired for relationships. We’re made to go through life together. We’re formed for a family.

Romans 12:5, “Christ makes us one body; individuals who are connected to each other.” (to paraphrase)

You are connected to the people you are sitting next to. If you are part of the family of God, Gertrude.. beside you.. Is spiritually linked to you and you are spiritually linked to Englebert sitting across the isle.

Here’s the problem…Any time there is the possibility of connection in relationships… there is the possibility of disconnection! We’ve all experienced it! Some of the most painful memories in our brain are the times when a closed relationship way severed.

Even Christian people… who are filled with the love of God, sometimes find themselves at odds. How in the world can that be?

I remember when this struck home to me. I was an Associate Pastor in another church for ten years and after a decade of working in harmony with the Senior Pastor we lost complete harmony…I was amazed, I was dumfounded that two people could love God and have the same goals for reaching the community and reach a point where the trust and respect eroded.

Why do relationships fall apart? Why do relationships go bad? What destroys relationships and how do you rebuild? Or how do you build new ones? Or how do you prevent relationships from going bad?

Were not going to solve all that in thirty minutes but, we’ll take a stab….

Unfortunately we’re not taught how to have healthy relationships. You never had a class growing up in school on how to maintain good relationships, yet that’s one of the most important things in your life.

God’s word points out that every relational problem comes a wrong attitude on somebody’s part.

I. (a) Wrong Attitude #1; SELFISHNESS destroys relationships.

Spiritual enemy #1 …the number one cause of conflict, the number one cause of arguments, the number one cause of divorce. It is the number one cause of war.

The #1 cause of sin!!!

(James 4:1-2) What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight…. (NIV) ( Not any of you…of course…)

You know when you start a relationship, you work real hard at being selfless or being unselfish, like in dating and “Oh here, please, you go first.” You know? And you are very unselfish at the start of a relationship, but then as time goes on, selfishness begins to creep in.

Five stages of a married cold. Dennis & Barbara Rainey,

Year #1: “Baby darling, I’m worried about that sniffle. I’ve called the paramedics to rush you to the Martin Memorial Hospital for a checkup and a week of rest. And I know you don’t like hospital food, so I’m having gourmet meals brought in for you.”

Year #2: “Sweetheart, I don’t like the sound of that cough. I’ve arranged our doctor to make a house call. Let me tuck you in bed.”

Year #3: “You look like you’ve got a fever. Why don’t you drive yourself over to the Medi-Center, and get some medicine, I’ll watch the kids.”

Year #4: “Be sensible. After you’ve fed and bathed the kids, washed the dishes, you really ought to go to bed.”

Year #5: “For Pete’s sake, do you have to cough so loud? I can’t hear the TV. Would you mind going in the other room till this show is over? You sound like a barking dog.”

A) Sadly, It is human nature to be selfish. I don’t think about you most of the time. I think about me, my needs, my interests, my hurts.

A lot of people say, “You know, if there is a God, why is there evil in the world?” That’s easy…. It’s because we’re all selfish and when I want what I want and you want what you want, it causes fights and wars and a lot of other bad stuff.

The bigger issue is: Why is there good? Why is there good in the world? There is only one reason there is good in the world: God.

Self-centeredness cannot sustain relationships. It creates destruction.…

(Proverbs 28:25) He who is of a proud heart stirs up strife, But he who trusts in the LORD will be prospered. (NKJV)

…if selfishness destroys relationships, then:

Selflessness means; less of me… more of you.

This is the linchpin which is supposed to hold all relationships together.. It is supposed to be the centerpiece of your relationship with God. It is the example that Jesus so wanted you to follow from his own life:

(Philippians 2:3-8) Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. (NKJV)

That’s selflessness. Selflessness brings out the best in others…..it builds relationships. In fact, if you start acting selfless in a relationship, it forces others to change because you’re not the same person anymore, and they have to relate to you in a different way.

(Galatians 6:7-8) Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. (NIV)

Galatians 6:7,8“The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others and ignoring God, harvests a crop of weeds. All he’ll have to show for it in his life is weeds. But the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life and eternal life.” (Mes)

God built the concept of sowing and reaping into our relationships. If you plant criticism, people are going to be critical of you. If you plant affirmation, people are going to affirm you. Whatever you sow in life, you’re going to reap back. If you’re jealous, people are going to be jealous of you,…

Respond to God, not to what others do.” -the one who sows to please the Spirit

“Plant in response to God.” When somebody is offensive to me, it is my nature to be offensive back to them. Don’t…. Respond the way God would. Respond to God..not to the attack that is coming toward you.” It’s supposed to be a by product of the Holy Spirit living within you…

(Galatians 5:16) So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. (NIV)

(Proverbs 13:10) By pride comes nothing but strife, But with the well-advised is wisdom. (NKJV)

If you are critical of other people, if you tend to be judgmental of other people, you tend to look down at other people… You have a pride problem.

If you have a stubborn will, if you find it difficult to say, “I’m sorry.” If you choke on your apologizes, you cannot ever admit it when you’re wrong. You have a pride problem.

If you have shallow relationships and you keep everything superficial in your life… you never let anybody get close to you, and you keep them at an arm’s distance. Maybe you use humor to keep every conversation shallow, not let anything get too deep. And you keep faking it a lot, and you wear a mask. You have a pride problem.

(If you think I’m beating you up here, You need to know that I’m beating myself up too..)

How do you act in a small group of people. When someone tells a story do you always have to tell a story that tops theirs. “You think that’s something…listen to this..

Are you always offering advice and never ask for it ? Do you never admit when you’ve had a tough week, when everybody else is saying, “I’ve had a tough week.” Do you never admit any problems in your life.

Pride is self-deceiving. Everybody else can see it but we can’t.

And pride carries within it the seeds of destruction..

(Proverbs 16:18) Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. (NIV)

So what’s the antidote?

Peter…rough old Peter says describes our relationship responsibility this way:

(1 Peter 3:8) Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. (NIV)

I want you to notice that first one particularly, “Live in harmony.” That’s what God wants in relationships. He doesn’t want this unison where we’re all the same. He wants the harmony of us all being different. In a symphony, the beauty isn’t all the different instruments. But if you have one flute player who wants to stand on their chair and play louder than everybody else, it ruins the whole thing.

How are you and I going to grow in humility? It happens by letting Jesus Christ begin to control our thoughts and hearts and attitudes and reactions.

(Ephesians 4:22-24) You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. (NIV)

Basic law of relationships is this: I tend to become like the people I spend time with. Spend time with grumpy people, you get more grumpy. Spend time with happy people, you get more happy. You want to have more humility, spend time with Jesus Christ because he is humble. He wants a relationship with you. He wants you and I to spend time with him in prayer and reading his word and talking to him.

(Philippians 2:3-8) Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. (NKJV)

No one has ever done anything more humble than Jesus, coming from heaven to earth to become a man to live for us, give his life for us, be resurrected for us. And I spend time around with him I become like him.