Grace Sufficient
This is the first time since 1996 I have shared this part of our personal testimony, because for years I had no words to describe the emotions. Even today it is hard to imagine, without tasting some of the memory of the anguish. But perhaps you can see through this true story the answers you seek.
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Reprinted by premission. All rights reserved to http://www.chaplainscott.com =====================================
There was a time I was very unsure in my standing with God.
The years went by as I continued in a floating position with God. I'd be
straight and in fellowship with him for a while and then I'd go into
relapse with pot and alcohol.
One night I came home and Carmen was all shook up. Some one had tried to
prey the back door open. I purchased a black powder revolver because it
was cheap.
I wanted to teach my wife how to load and use it for her protection, but
Carmen has never liked guns in the house. Her faith has always been in
the Lord but my trust at that time was in the arm of the flesh, more so
than in God.
A week before Christmas, 1996. another attempt to break into our home
occurred when I was away while Carmen was home.
Before I left for my weekend moon lighting job as a bar bouncer, I took
the gun meant for her protection, and began to show her the safe way of
handling a .44 caliber in case she had to use it. That particular black
powder model had a half cock position which keeps the hammer off the
firing cap so it won't go off in case it's dropped.
When the hammer is in this position it is locked until it is pulled
further into a full cock position. To take the hammer off it's safety position,
one has to pull the hammer back and lower it safely to an empty chamber.
I was doing this when Carmen pushed at the gun, stating, "I don't need a
gun for our protection." I usually allowed for an empty chamber but at
the time all chambers were loaded and the hammer slipped from my
thumb and went off, striking her through her belly, which destroyed ALL
of her small intestines,and exited through her back just 3/4 of an inch
from her spine!
It tore a 2 1/2 inch hole in her outer skin but under the skin it ripped
apart 4-5 inches in the walls of her stomach muscles, tearing parts of
her uterus, bladder,liver, and kidney.
I caught her as she was falling and slowly lowered her to the carpet.
She immediately began calmly praying, as I rushed to call 911.
As the pain set in, her prayers and mine became more intense.
They wanted me to stay on the line after vital information was given, but
I couldn't chance spending her last moments here talking to an operator,
since our only phone hook up was in the hallway.
I continued holding Carmen in prayer for almost an hour waiting. No
ambulance. I was afraid to move her due to the closeness of the
wound to her spine, and upon one attempt to take her to the hospital
myself, she resisted.
As I held her with a towel to her back I could feel her spirit slipping
away.
As we continued in prayer together she said something that gave me the
hint that she knew she was leaving. Her prayers began to be directed not for
herself, but she said, "Lord make Scott a good Godly father for our
children. Let him raise them in the fear of You..."
A few moments later, she closed her eyes and her breathing stopped.
I checked and she had no pulse. She had gently slipped into the arms of
Jesus.
I started mouth to mouth resuscitation and CPR on her frame with no
responses. About three minutes later I heard a cough and she appeared
to show some life briefly and said,"Scott...let me GO!" and then she
appeared limp again.
I was beyond panic and started going into shock. The Lord prompted
me to call Josh from the back room to hold his mother's hand and to pray.
Josh was so calm and knelt to do as I had said. I held my baby Angels,
age 2, as I screamed at the 911 operator to hurry! But I knew she was
already with the Lord.
I could barely maintain a straight stream of thoughts.
My world came crashing down at my feet just days before Christmas.
Angels calmly said, "Daddy, mama fall down. Why mama fall down?"
My mind was in torment. But both my children and Carmen were so calm!
My heart broke, as my mind screamed!!!!!!!! "Oh God! Oh God! Help
us! Mercies Lord. I cry mercies! Have grace now Lord. Have grace NOW!"
In that awe struck moment I could hear a very calm reply. "Haven't I
always been gracious?
But you've always looked past my present grace to something else."
I screamed, "Bring her back!! Pleaaaase!?"
Every moment that passed were in torment. A part of me had died with her
in the children's room as I stared at a Santa suit I had wore that day
giving out candy.
I remembered how the Special Ed. students at my day job had tugged on my
Santa shirt tail pleading for things that they most likely would not
receive, but they kept asking.
I became like a child. Some might say I had lost my mind, mumbling like a
child. I certainly felt like a child, but I also realized, that just like those
students from poor families, it was also highly unlikely that I would NOT
receive what I was asking for. My wife was dead. Period. How many people
today can say they have seen the dead raised to life?
Yet, I kept pleading, and pleading, knowing 911 could not help her at
that present time.
The Lord God again calmly replied, "Will you serve me presently whether
she lives or dies?"
At that moment, in present tense time, I suddenly realized in those very
words were hope.
God used the term, "lives" while I knew by the natural that she was
already dead. I also knew at that very moment what I had overlooked
since first coming to Christ. To live in His present grace!
Suddenly, it wasn't hard to believe. Suddenly I just knew for the first
time what trust really means.
I said simply, "Yes Lord. And like a child without doubting I dearly
trusted God as I spoke these words over and over, "I will serve Thee. I
will serve Thee. I will serve Thee!"
I had finally "gotten" it.
His grace is sufficient! Present tense!
Alive and working this very moment. To live for God in the moment.
Live in the NOW! Stop looking at the past! Stop fearing the future!
I heard Josh speak with the authority of a man, these words, "Mama! Wake
up. You will not die! Come back to us and wake up now! In Jesus name,
you are too strong in God to die now! Mama wake up!"
I heard the faith of God in my 9 year old. He was so calm and sure
voiced. His trust was so pure.
Carmen at this time was with Jesus and as they were talking, she heard
her boy's voice and said, "Lord, I want to stay, but I can't leave my babies.
Can I return?"
She tells me today that the Lord replied, "The choice is yours." Carmen
says that before she actually answered, she thought for a moment that it
would be nice to stay and go to what the Lord had prepared for her, but
Josh kept calling out, and each time he did , she heard him, and she knew
she couldn't make a selfish decision to stay, but that she knew even with
it's trials, it was the right thing to return.
It was the calm trusting, faith of a child, Joshua Christopher Campbell,
that did not relinquish or waver in his request that was the deciding factor
in her living.
While she was before the Lord, Josh was holding her hand but she couldn't
feel that part. When she made her choice the Lord blessed her and she
began to start moving and moaning!
When she first felt the pain again, she wondered for a second, only for a
second, if she had made the right choice, only because the pain was so
great to bear. But when she saw her smiling boy's face and finally felt
his hand, she had no doubts about being where she was.
Carmen, my wife, resurrected from the DEAD!
She's already been there. She's already done that.
To this day she has no ill side effects that hinder her life even though
technically, she is living without small intestines with no side effects
that naturally should be. Even after what corrective surgery they could
do, the doctor only gave her 9 months to live.
But Jesus gives her life!
God has since, even shrunk the massive scar tissue and raised skin that
once protruded above the skin level on the exit wound.
As I wept for joy these unforgettable words came to mind:
"Oh God, how sweet tis,*
this grace that now appears
that sustains her life to be!
And sweeps away the fears
that enslaved a wretch as me!
For through the dangers, toils and snares,
that have so often stalked,
Your grace sufficient sets me free
and now with Thee I walk!"
And just Thursday morning, March 22, my daughter, now 6 years old, had to
be taken to the hospital again for a short stay because of an infection
flare up in her bladder and kidneys, related to her Spinal Bifida
condition.
Afterwards she visited her Grandma as I had to work. She called me as I
was writing this and said on the phone,"Daddy, you know what?....Jesus
come-d to me when I was hurting and he touched my side...and then it
didn't hurt no more!"
From this you can see why we named her..."Angels"
God is more than able to meet our every need. Just show trust as a little
child.
Angels called me because she was missing her father.
This father's heart was touched with her call. Because her faith is
expressed so purely, and childlike. She was waiting for her daddy, and
she believes that I will come to her.
And as it is in the natural, in like manner spiritually, we should in the
pureness of a child be calling our Father, waiting for our Daddy and
believing that He will come to us.
Believing, without fear or doubting.
Just touch the Father's heart with your call.
Simply trust in God with all your heart that he will yet deliver us; in
simplicity and godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom, but by the grace
of God!
In closing, I quote from Hebrews 2:13, this passage that now is dear to
me.
"And again, I will put my trust in him. And again, Behold I and the
children which God hath given me.".
Sincerely,
Chaplain Scott
(Oh God, how sweet *it is )
2 Cor 1:9-10 and verse 12.
But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust
in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead:
Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver: in whom we
trust that he will yet deliver us;
For our rejoicing is this, the testimony of our conscience, that in
simplicity and godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom, but by the grace
of God, we have had our conversation in the world, and more abundantly to
you-ward.
Heb 2:9-13
But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels for the
suffering of death, crowned with glory and honour; that he by the grace
of God should taste death for every man.
For it became him, for whom are all things, and by whom are all things,
in bringing many sons unto glory, to make the captain of their salvation
perfect through sufferings.
For both he that sanctifieth and they who are sanctified are all of one:
for which cause he is not ashamed to call them brethren,
Saying, I will declare thy name unto my brethren, in the midst of the
church will I sing praise unto thee.
And again, I will put my trust in him. And again, Behold I and the
children which God hath given me.
