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Women over
50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget
where they left them.
One of
life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain
5 lbs.
My mind not
only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.
The best way
to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice
part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what
you're doing, someone else does.
The older
you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body
and your fat are really good friends.
Just when I
was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I
think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
I gave up
jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and
setting my pantyhose on fire.
Amazing! You
hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two sizes!
Skinny
people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know,
sometimes I just forget to eat."
Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys.
But I've never forgotten to eat.
You have to
be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
A friend of
mine confused her valium with her birth
control
pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.
The trouble
with some women is that they get all
excited
about nothing and then they marry him.
I read this
article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too
much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That
is my idea of a perfect day.
I know what
Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can
fit into their stuff.
Celebrate
Womanhood! Please forward this page to all the brilliant women in
your life!
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