I'm only 15 years old
I'm only 15 years old, but so many things have already happened in my short life to give me knowledge for a lifetime. I was premature by 2 weeks, I got Jaundice, Spinal Meningitis (non serious type), and my big toe stuck straight back onto my foot. All of these have been cured. However, 2 days shy of my 7th birthday, I was rushed to the emergency room of the hospital unknowing whether life or death awaited.
I had begun a slow process of deteriorating since about the age of 5. I lost weight, had no appetite, drank water constantly and was always sick and spent half the time in the bathroom. Stomach aches and headaches caused me to not even be able to complete a full day at school. Finally, on May 28, 1992 my parents almost couldn't get me to wake up in the morning and rushed me to the doctor. Then came an agonizing few hours of calling doctor after doctor trying to get one to give me a slip to be put into the hospital because she knew I had Juvenile Diabetes (insulin dependent). Finally we got a doctor to see me and I was rushed across town to his office. All I remember is being so tired, and just wanting to sleep... but that was because I was beginning to enter a comatose state. I remember staring at the light in his office and he walked in and said "Oh my god, she has Diabetes, get her to the hospital now." I started to cry and said "No, no please, I don't want to go." A tear fell from his eye as he told me I had to, but he'd come visit me soon.
As we rushed to the hospital it was harder and harder to stay awake, and I was becoming more and more scared. None of us had a clue what Diabetes was or how much it would impact my life. By the time we arrived I could no longer walk so I laid in my dad's arms as he ran into the hospital with my mom close behind.
The next thing I remember was having tubes hanging off my stomach and chest, blood pressure monitors everywhere, and so many doctors all doing something different. One was putting IV's into my arms, another hooking me up to monitors and yet another yelling at me to stay awake. Once the excitement was over, I was hungry and thirsty, but I couldn't have anything to eat or drink for 24 hours. My dad stayed with me and my mom went to get travel games for me to play.
At first I was so angry that I had to be there, and I cried for hours on end that I wanted to go home and see my dog and family. Then I'd cry out of anger not understanding why I had to be there and hating everyone for making me stay. I'd also cry out for food or something to drink. At one point, a nurse walked in and ate cheetos right next to me, and that completely set me off, so my dad pulled the curtain to my room, and once he came back, she was gone. While he was out there though, I remember closing my eyes and just asking "Why me?" and wondering what was to come. I realized then I feared the future. Then I felt the softest touch on my head, just stroking my hair. The touch relaxed me and I knew then that I was going to be okay. I thought someone came in so I opened my eyes... as they opened, the touch went away. I looked around looking for some sort of sign that someone was there... but there was none.
Some people say it was hallucination, other's say it was a guardian angel, I have no clue either way what it was, but I'm still convinced it happened.
The day of my birthday (May 30) I was released from ICU and put into regular patient rooms. The nurses surprised me by bringing me an angel food cake (with no sugar) for my b-day. It tasted like cardboard but I couldn't blame them for trying. I just remember being in a daze. So many people visited me, my pastor, my choir instructor, friends, family, and my brothers. My doctor sent me flowers and balloons swarmed my room. I even wrote a note to my grandmother letting her know I was okay, and that I'd be home soon.
I got released on June 1, 1992. Life was so hard. I had to adapt to a whole new lifestyle, and I realize now, the new lifestyle was one of an adult. I had to realize what was going on, and I had to know how to take care of myself. I was no longer able to carry a kid type of lifestyle, although I often tried. Realizing when your only 7 and 8 years old that what you have could kill you was such a hard wake up call to me.
School was the hardest issue of all. I got ridiculed, teased, mocked, and everything else you can imagine when I entered my 2nd grade year. I had to have a snack so I was always known as the "special" one. I went home night after night and cried tears on end, longing for one day to have a normal life again. I began hating God for what he had done to me. I imagined over and over what I could have possibly have done to deserve something so bad. I lost my faith and hope, to the point I thought it'd never return.
However, a few years ago, I recalled that moment in the ICU room when the softest touch stroked my hair, relaxing me. I soon after realized, getting Diabetes wasn't a punishment, it was a lesson that would last a lifetime. I got this to teach others, and to give me a unique outlook on life. Yeah, I never had a childhood, but I've grown up more ways than most... and It's caused me to be wise beyond my years. Instead of sulking and hating life for what it did to me, I realized I needed to make the most of it. A few months ago, I was reading an old yellowed letter telling Grandma that I was okay and I was coming home soon. The words were hard to make out from the shaky hand that wrote them, but I knew it was mine. Memories flooded my mind and I was overjoyed by seeing how far I had come.
I asked God to guide me the way he wanted. Now, I speak to people about Diabetes. I go to hospitals to greet newly diabetics just so they know their not alone. In December of 1998, I was put on an insulin pump and it has greatly helped me out. Life is so much easier. Now, I just received the roll of Drum Major for my high school marching band, starting in 2001, and going until I graduate in 2003. Diabetes didn't get in the way of that. I believe someone, somewhere helped me to realize my dreams can still be fulfilled. The only difference between other people, and myself, is not a physical difference at all. It's a mentality difference, and if there's one thanks I have to give for having diabetes, it's the gift I'll cherish forever--knowledge.
When I became a teenager
The most important thing that ever happened in my life was when I came to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ as Lord of my life. This testimony is a brief account of that experience.
A Christian influence began early in my life. My mother was a committed Christian and an active church member. She made sure that all of her children grew up in church. I participated in all church activities that were available for children. As best I can recall, I enjoyed that.
Somewhere around ten I made a profession of faith in Jesus and was baptized.
When I became a teenager, I began to pull away from church. This was not because I rebelled against it or didn't like it. It was that other things and other influences began to interest me. As I had enjoyed church things, I now began to enjoy worldly things.
After Carolyn and I married at an early age, we moved to Houston, Texas at the invitation of my brother. In those days my involvement in the ways of the world increased even though I didn't turn against God, nor did I forget my early training. I was doing what I wanted to do and that was not living for God.
We met a couple who were active Christians. They tried very hard to become friends and influence us into church. I was not interested. I was often rude to them in their efforts.
In the summer of 1960 my use of alcohol, my selfish pursuits of pleasure, my neglect of marriage and family, all reached a critical point. In the days of following a bad scene in a night club, I began to reflect on what I had become and where I was going. At the same time, the Christian couple I had tried to ignore asked two men from their church to visit me.
My response to the men was "Thanks, but I'm not interested." The next Sunday, I shocked my wife by saying, "Let's go to church." During that meeting I came under great conviction about having walked away from God and joined forces with the world's system. I knew within myself that I could not continue to take that position. I knew within myself that what I had been looking for in the world could be found only in a right relationship with God. That day I heard His call to me to come home. I agreed that it was the truth I needed. I surrendered. I, in the quietness of my innermost being, committed my life to Jesus Christ as Lord.
There was no thunder or lightening. There was no dramatic, overpowering experience. But when I walked out of that church building that day, I knew it was settled. The restlessness of my soul had been met by the peace of God.
Dramatic changes began to take place in my life. I plunged into church life with great enthusiasm. Old things had passed away. All things had become new. Oh, I wasn't made perfect overnight. No, that is a life long process. But I was changed within by the coming into my life of the Spirit of God Who began a good work in me that continues to this day. That moment in time experience of coming to saving faith in Jesus Christ has affected every area of my life. It became a sure foundation upon which I could, under the leadership of the Holy Spirit, build a life that God purposed for me. Because of that, I know that God now makes all things, good or bad, work together for my good. I know where God brought me from. I know who I am in Christ. I know where I am going.
It is well with my soul. To God be the glory!
~James
|
