Here is the story of the pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets.

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.

A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy. "Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.

"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven..."

People want the front of the bus, back of the church and center of attention.

Somebody once figured out that we have 35 million laws trying to enforce the 10 Commandments.

Somebody has well said that there are only two kinds of people in the  world, there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord,"  and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."

A minister parked his car in a no -- parking zone in a large city because  he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note  under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."

A father was approached by his small son, who told him proudly, "I know  what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay," said his father. "So, Son, what does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy. It stands for Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.