SHE USED TO WHIP ME WITH A FLY SWATTER

Hear is a few things about my life and how it all started. As I set here and think about all. It started on October 17th, 1947. I was suppose to been born on Oct. 5 but I was late. Then they fianlly had to take me. When I was born I was not breathing and they had to take me C-section according to my mom.. She said they had to make me breath by slapping me with paddles upside down.. That would seem awful to go through but at least I don''t remember none of it..

That is when my life started.. My mother did not want to see me and she didn''t see me until twelve days later. I don''t know much of or remember but she said something about they thought I had water on the brain and I was very sick. I could not set up or anything for a long time. I think I was around three years old.

When I began talking I could not be understood at all.. I stuttered all the time and I could not even say my own name.. I had to go to a special class and speech lessons everyday. I remembered I hated it.

I remember once when I was nine years old. I wont never forget it at all. My mother was at the stove fixing hamburger gravy. That was one of the main meals we had when I was growing up. I was standing at the end of the stove.. I tried to tell her something. She told me in no certain terms to shut my god___ mouth until I could talk or do not talk to her at all.

I remember kids made fun of me and called me names all the times.. But the abuse did not stop there at all. I had it at home also. My mom hated me.. She blamed me for her having cancer after I was born and she really did not wont nothing to do with me. She did buy me nice clothes and tried to buy my love but there was no love there at all from my mom or really from my dad.

But starting out in life I always loved church.. I wanted to go every time the doors was open.. I loved church camp and being around the kids and the teachers.. My mother kept church from me when I was nautghy or if I ever did something wrong. Even for minor things she kept church away from me for sometimes as long as a month. I use to cry but it did not do any good.

So I continued to go to school and be abused or verbel abuse by the kids at schools or I got the abuse from my mother at home.. She use to whip me with a fly swatter.. She beat me so hard that she made the blood come out of my back and my legs.. Every time I told her to stop or no she did it twice as hard. I remember one time going to gym class at school and I had to undress and shower with the rest of the girls I got laughed at but there was no laws back then to protect kids. So it went on like that for years..

When I was in high school I ran away from home and stayed with my half brother.. My mother at that time disowned me and went through the lawyer to have it done..

When I was at his house he was a preacher and got us all up at 3:00 every morning to pray.. I ran from his house to another house and that was all the way through high school. I did lousey in school.

I got engage when I was in high school to someone I knew all my life. We had big dreams to be married and live happy ever after. I had my check up and the doctor found I could not have children so I had to have my tubes died, so I would not die.

A few days later I went out one night late.. I wound up in South Bend, Indiana some how at the bus station. Never knew why I was there. But that was a nite mare and I will never forget it tell the day I die.. I was thrown in a car by two black men and taken out somewhere under a bunch of tracks and knife and rape.. I was nothing but filled with blood. My mom did come and pick me up later and but never took me to get check or any counseling at all.. For months I had nite mares and woke up screaming about it. But I broke my engagement.. I did not want nothing to do with a man or even the one I loved..

After all that and the nite mares I remeber stealing 300 dollars from my mom in her top chest of drawers. I got on the grayhound bus . My first stop was Chicago, Illinois.. I got me a job as a bar tender but I ran the streets awhile. I lived on the streets.. That was in the 1960''s. I never did drugs, but I think I was handed something one time because I was real drunk and hit my mouth and broke my tooth and had to get it cap later. I wound up on south Michigan street at the mission. I remember later when I got my apartment I always tried to find a church I could be at or talk to.. God was still there but I did not have him in my life but he had me and I think He was watching out for me.

From Chicago I wound up in Las Vegas and the same thing happened there.. I just kept running and running. Getting jobs on the side or gambling in Vegas trying to make money.

Then I wound up in Bakerfield, California.. I did not have any money or no where to go so I answered a add in the paper and wound up in a magazine out fit..

Then one day the manager came in the motel where we was all staying and got very mad and started yelling.. He shoved me against a dresser and when I fell I hit my back on it and he walked out and I laid there. I could not get up or move. I remember two people walked buy and picked me up and I wound up in a county hospital. I had two crushed verterbrases in my back.

After all that and later I wound back home.. Got me a job at a local bowling alley as a bartender. That was the start of more trouble, but did not know it at the time.. I met my soon to be husband there and we was married.

For the first few years it was very bad. There was so much domestic violence in it. I was knocked around and brusies and etc.. I remember one night I got in the car and drove as fast as I could. It was in the middle of winter. All I had on was my nite gown and no shoes.. I tried to kill my self but did not suceed. But I tried. The abuse went on for at least 6 years..

In the middle of that time I started going to church again.. I wanted to be in church. After a while my husband made me choose the church or choose him. Well I chose my husband over God.. That was a mistake. I could not go to church for about 5 years.

There was times on church nights I always made up a excuse to go to the store or what ever and found my self in the parking lot of our church listening to the msg.. Our preacher was that loud and I had the windows down. It was in the middle of winter alot of times. But I was drawn to the church..

When I was 24 years old I was very sick. I was having very bad female problems and sometimes it lasted for months. There was times I thought I was going to die. I could not leave the house I was so bad.

So I wound up having major surgery.. In the hospital he ask me did I want to become a foster parent... We still had bad times and we covered up the fights and the abuse..

One night on Aug 23, 1979 we got a call at 9:00 PM and they wanted to know would we take a little baby that was born July 28th of 1979. We said yes.. When we got him . he was filled up with scabies, mites, dragged around the throat by a older sister like a doll. He did not have on any clothes except a doll top that had to be cut off of him. We spent all that night at the hospital.

One night when he was three months old I had a dream, maybe a vision. I do not know. But I woke up my husband. I told him that we would adopt John and that he would be in church. Well he told me we may adopt him but he will never be a so and so church.

Every 45 days they had a court hearing to see if the parents would fit to take the children back.. The judge kept saying they was not fit. But they could have visiting rights.

This went on for two years. The last court hearing came and the social services told us to get his clothes ready.. That he would be going home the next day after court.. I just kept hanging on to what I dreampt two years before.

Well court was over and the call came in at 5:00 the next evening.. The judge told the parents that they could have 5 children back but not two of the 7.. One of the seven was John.. We got to adopt him on August 12th of 1982. He was just a few days after his second birthday..

That was the best day in my life.. He was our son and God answered my prayer. When he was around 8 years old he accepted Jesus in his life and had a strong life in church. He wanted to be a minister and he sung specials in church.. I was very proud of him.

One night though I remeber when he was about 4 years old he got between his dad and me and told his dad in a child''w voice. "Don''t be mean to my mommy"

The abuse did not stop even with a child in the house. It kept going then one day he had to stop drinking because of sickeness. So the domestic violence stopped but the verbel kept up.

Verbel abuse is worse then the domestic violence.. It does not carry the scars or you can''t see the scares on the skin but they are there. You just cant see them. Sometimes I think the domestic violence is better than people can see and maybe help but the other is behind close doors and it can''t be seen.. You live it all alone and really no one is there to talk to.

When my husband retired from his job back in 1985 he went through a very depress time. He lost a lot of weight and ate big huge chocolate bars . Maybe about 5 or more a day and kept getting skinnier. Then one day I could not find him at all. He was not in the house. I went out side and he was in the woods. He cut both of his arms and told me to stay away from him or he would kill him self. He was bleeding very bad. I ran in the house and called my pastor. I remember his son answered the phone and I ask for his dad. He said his dad was out on the lawn mower at the church and could not come to the phone.. I told him what happen and I guess the son went and told him and he was out with in matter of minutes.

The pastor fianlly talked him in going to the hospital. Well of coarse the hospital kept him for observation and then sent him to a pscy ward for a few days. He signed his own self in. he also signed him out after a week.

In November of 1995 I went to see my mother and my dad. I did not know that would be the last time I would see them or even talk to them. We had a great time. My mom and I went shopping and she use to cry on my shoulders and tell me all the bad things that my dad did to her.

My dad even has went as far as trying to poison her by putting things in her orange juice and milk and stuff. She could never eat at home. She accidently did drink some stuff once and had to go to the doctor. But it was really not solved but the family doctor did know about it.

After I got home she called me on the phone and wanted to ask me a question. " Ok mom go ahead and ask me" She ask why did I take her old money , and some of her clothes and a few certificates out of the bank and a few other things that she had laying around... I was in totaled shock and said I didn''t.

She said if you don''t bring take bring them back to me I wont be your mother... I just started yelling at her and told them I did not have them.

But someone went to her house and they looked and could not find anything at all. This was a few months later.. Then one day they went shopping at the mall and came home and all that stuff that she accused me of taking was in her dinning room. It was my dad that did that and sat there and let me take the blame.. She never once apologiesed to me.

On October 17th 1998 my mom had open heaert surgery and she died. My dad would not let me go to the funeral at all. My half sister as far as I know got what my mom had.

Then on December 11th, 1999 my dad died. How I found out that he died was I was very sick and had pnemonia. I just got up and my son was on his computer in his room. So I got up after throwing up and sat down at my computer just for a few minutes.. I open my email up and I had a email saying that my dad just died earlier that evening.. Boy that was a shock on me and I went in hysterics. He was still my dad and no matter how bad he was he was still my dad.

My husband did not console me or nothing. I could not go to that funeral either.. I did not receive nothing out of the estate but that is ok.. I could not even get my things out of her house that was mine. I was told if I wanted anything I would have to drive up there to the auction of the house and bid on what I wanted.. I never did. My husband stopped me from going.

But with all I have been through in life I set back now and think about it... God never left me.. I left him and tried to do my own thing. I really made a mess of my life.

Today I am here with two fractures in my spine and I really don''t have any thing.. But I have something that money can''t buy. I have Jesus in my life.

I left everything behind. We just moved and we left everything... I don''t have anything. But Jesus never left me.. He gave me another place to live. Maybe it is not as nice as what we had but I thank God for it. I came here with nothing.. There has been time when the cupboards was empty. But God always supplied our needs. He has always been there.. I came here with no winter clothes but God is supplying my needs..

With all I have been through in my life there has to be a reason for this. Maybe it is to help me with someone else. To be there to talk to someone, For a long time I felt God calling me in a outreach ministry.. To be called by God you don''t have to go to the mission field miles and miles from home. Your mission field can be your own back yard, or it can be your work place or anywhere you go.. You can be that friend that someone desprately needs. You can be that one small piece of light. But don''t ever forget who the source is.. Jesus is that sorce and He will supply you with your every need.. Just don''t try to fix it your self.. The more you try the more you will mess up thing..

He will never leave you. No matter what you are going through God will always be there. No matter what time of day it is God is always there and He is never to busy... All you have to do is call His name and He will never be to busy to listen.


	SHE USED TO WHIP ME WITH A FLY SWATTER Testimonie: Oct 17,2000 in Indiana Hear is a few things about my life and how it all started. As I set here and think about all. It started on October 17th, 1947. I was suppose to been born on Oct. 5 but I was late. Then they fianlly had to take me. When I was born I was not breathing and they had to take me C-section according to my mom.. She said they had to make me breath by slapping me with paddles upside down.. That would seem awful to go through but at least I don''t remember none of it.. That is when my life started.. My mother did not want to see me and she didn''t see me until twelve days later. I don''t know much of or remember but she said something about they thought I had water on the brain and I was very sick. I could not set up or anything for a long time. I think I was around three years old. When I began talking I could not be understood at all.. I stuttered all the time and I could not even say my own name.. I had to go to a special class and speech lessons everyday. I remembered I hated it. I remember once when I was nine years old. I wont never forget it at all. My mother was at the stove fixing hamburger gravy. That was one of the main meals we had when I was growing up. I was standing at the end of the stove.. I tried to tell her something. She told me in no certain terms to shut my god___ mouth until I could talk or do not talk to her at all. I remember kids made fun of me and called me names all the times.. But the abuse did not stop there at all. I had it at home also. My mom hated me.. She blamed me for her having cancer after I was born and she really did not wont nothing to do with me. She did buy me nice clothes and tried to buy my love but there was no love there at all from my mom or really from my dad. But starting out in life I always loved church.. I wanted to go every time the doors was open.. I loved church camp and being around the kids and the teachers.. My mother kept church from me when I was nautghy or if I ever did something wrong. Even for minor things she kept church away from me for sometimes as long as a month. I use to cry but it did not do any good. So I continued to go to school and be abused or verbel abuse by the kids at schools or I got the abuse from my mother at home.. She use to whip me with a fly swatter.. She beat me so hard that she made the blood come out of my back and my legs.. Every time I told her to stop or no she did it twice as hard. I remember one time going to gym class at school and I had to undress and shower with the rest of the girls I got laughed at but there was no laws back then to protect kids. So it went on like that for years.. When I was in high school I ran away from home and stayed with my half brother.. My mother at that time disowned me and went through the lawyer to have it done.. When I was at his house he was a preacher and got us all up at 3:00 every morning to pray.. I ran from his house to another house and that was all the way through high school. I did lousey in school. I got engage when I was in high school to someone I knew all my life. We had big dreams to be married and live happy ever after. I had my check up and the doctor found I could not have children so I had to have my tubes died, so I would not die. The big day of graduation came and I thought it was. My parents or none of my family came to my graduation. I spent it alone. The night of graduation I started smoking and drinking. That was my first but it was not my last. A few days later I went out one night late.. I wound up in South Bend, Indiana some how at the bus station. Never knew why I was there. But that was a nite mare and I will never forget it tell the day I die.. I was thrown in a car by two black men and taken out somewhere under a bunch of tracks and knife and rape.. I was nothing but filled with blood. My mom did come and pick me up later and but never took me to get check or any counseling at all.. For months I had nite mares and woke up screaming about it. But I broke my engagement.. I did not want nothing to do with a man or even the one I loved.. After all that and the nite mares I remeber stealing 300 dollars from my mom in her top chest of drawers. I got on the grayhound bus . My first stop was Chicago, Illinois.. I got me a job as a bar tender but I ran the streets awhile. I lived on the streets.. That was in the 1960''s. I never did drugs, but I think I was handed something one time because I was real drunk and hit my mouth and broke my tooth and had to get it cap later. I wound up on south Michigan street at the mission. I remember later when I got my apartment I always tried to find a church I could be at or talk to.. God was still there but I did not have him in my life but he had me and I think He was watching out for me. From Chicago I wound up in Las Vegas and the same thing happened there.. I just kept running and running. Getting jobs on the side or gambling in Vegas trying to make money. Then I wound up in Bakerfield, California.. I did not have any money or no where to go so I answered a add in the paper and wound up in a magazine out fit.. Then one day the manager came in the motel where we was all staying and got very mad and started yelling.. He shoved me against a dresser and when I fell I hit my back on it and he walked out and I laid there. I could not get up or move. I remember two people walked buy and picked me up and I wound up in a county hospital. I had two crushed verterbrases in my back. After all that and later I wound back home.. Got me a job at a local bowling alley as a bartender. That was the start of more trouble, but did not know it at the time.. I met my soon to be husband there and we was married. For the first few years it was very bad. There was so much domestic violence in it. I was knocked around and brusies and etc.. I remember one night I got in the car and drove as fast as I could. It was in the middle of winter. All I had on was my nite gown and no shoes.. I tried to kill my self but did not suceed. But I tried. The abuse went on for at least 6 years.. In the middle of that time I started going to church again.. I wanted to be in church. After a while my husband made me choose the church or choose him. Well I chose my husband over God.. That was a mistake. I could not go to church for about 5 years. There was times on church nights I always made up a excuse to go to the store or what ever and found my self in the parking lot of our church listening to the msg.. Our preacher was that loud and I had the windows down. It was in the middle of winter alot of times. But I was drawn to the church.. When I was 24 years old I was very sick. I was having very bad female problems and sometimes it lasted for months. There was times I thought I was going to die. I could not leave the house I was so bad. So I wound up having major surgery.. In the hospital he ask me did I want to become a foster parent... We still had bad times and we covered up the fights and the abuse.. One night on Aug 23, 1979 we got a call at 9:00 PM and they wanted to know would we take a little baby that was born July 28th of 1979. We said yes.. When we got him . he was filled up with scabies, mites, dragged around the throat by a older sister like a doll. He did not have on any clothes except a doll top that had to be cut off of him. We spent all that night at the hospital. I use to set up nites to rock him and we had to feed him every two hours just a little formula. One night when he was three months old I had a dream, maybe a vision. I do not know. But I woke up my husband. I told him that we would adopt John and that he would be in church. Well he told me we may adopt him but he will never be a so and so church. Every 45 days they had a court hearing to see if the parents would fit to take the children back.. The judge kept saying they was not fit. But they could have visiting rights. This went on for two years. The last court hearing came and the social services told us to get his clothes ready.. That he would be going home the next day after court.. I just kept hanging on to what I dreampt two years before. Well court was over and the call came in at 5:00 the next evening.. The judge told the parents that they could have 5 children back but not two of the 7.. One of the seven was John.. We got to adopt him on August 12th of 1982. He was just a few days after his second birthday.. That was the best day in my life.. He was our son and God answered my prayer. When he was around 8 years old he accepted Jesus in his life and had a strong life in church. He wanted to be a minister and he sung specials in church.. I was very proud of him. One night though I remeber when he was about 4 years old he got between his dad and me and told his dad in a child''w voice. "Don''t be mean to my mommy" The abuse did not stop even with a child in the house. It kept going then one day he had to stop drinking because of sickeness. So the domestic violence stopped but the verbel kept up. Verbel abuse is worse then the domestic violence.. It does not carry the scars or you can''t see the scares on the skin but they are there. You just cant see them. Sometimes I think the domestic violence is better than people can see and maybe help but the other is behind close doors and it can''t be seen.. You live it all alone and really no one is there to talk to. When my husband retired from his job back in 1985 he went through a very depress time. He lost a lot of weight and ate big huge chocolate bars . Maybe about 5 or more a day and kept getting skinnier. Then one day I could not find him at all. He was not in the house. I went out side and he was in the woods. He cut both of his arms and told me to stay away from him or he would kill him self. He was bleeding very bad. I ran in the house and called my pastor. I remember his son answered the phone and I ask for his dad. He said his dad was out on the lawn mower at the church and could not come to the phone.. I told him what happen and I guess the son went and told him and he was out with in matter of minutes. The pastor fianlly talked him in going to the hospital. Well of coarse the hospital kept him for observation and then sent him to a pscy ward for a few days. He signed his own self in. he also signed him out after a week. They took my foster liscense after that. But thank God we had already adopted our son. In November of 1995 I went to see my mother and my dad. I did not know that would be the last time I would see them or even talk to them. We had a great time. My mom and I went shopping and she use to cry on my shoulders and tell me all the bad things that my dad did to her. My dad even has went as far as trying to poison her by putting things in her orange juice and milk and stuff. She could never eat at home. She accidently did drink some stuff once and had to go to the doctor. But it was really not solved but the family doctor did know about it. When I was ready to leave from my trip and to go back home. I cried and really did not want to leave but I did. After I got home she called me on the phone and wanted to ask me a question. " Ok mom go ahead and ask me" She ask why did I take her old money , and some of her clothes and a few certificates out of the bank and a few other things that she had laying around... I was in totaled shock and said I didn''t. She said if you don''t bring take bring them back to me I wont be your mother... I just started yelling at her and told them I did not have them. She never talked to me again. But someone went to her house and they looked and could not find anything at all. This was a few months later.. Then one day they went shopping at the mall and came home and all that stuff that she accused me of taking was in her dinning room. It was my dad that did that and sat there and let me take the blame.. She never once apologiesed to me. On October 17th 1998 my mom had open heaert surgery and she died. My dad would not let me go to the funeral at all. My half sister as far as I know got what my mom had. It was a long time that everything i did have of my mom''s from the past in the house I cried every time I seen it. Then on December 11th, 1999 my dad died. How I found out that he died was I was very sick and had pnemonia. I just got up and my son was on his computer in his room. So I got up after throwing up and sat down at my computer just for a few minutes.. I open my email up and I had a email saying that my dad just died earlier that evening.. Boy that was a shock on me and I went in hysterics. He was still my dad and no matter how bad he was he was still my dad. My husband did not console me or nothing. I could not go to that funeral either.. I did not receive nothing out of the estate but that is ok.. I could not even get my things out of her house that was mine. I was told if I wanted anything I would have to drive up there to the auction of the house and bid on what I wanted.. I never did. My husband stopped me from going. But with all I have been through in life I set back now and think about it... God never left me.. I left him and tried to do my own thing. I really made a mess of my life. Today I am here with two fractures in my spine and I really don''t have any thing.. But I have something that money can''t buy. I have Jesus in my life. I left everything behind. We just moved and we left everything... I don''t have anything. But Jesus never left me.. He gave me another place to live. Maybe it is not as nice as what we had but I thank God for it. I came here with nothing.. There has been time when the cupboards was empty. But God always supplied our needs. He has always been there.. I came here with no winter clothes but God is supplying my needs.. With all I have been through in my life there has to be a reason for this. Maybe it is to help me with someone else. To be there to talk to someone, For a long time I felt God calling me in a outreach ministry.. To be called by God you don''t have to go to the mission field miles and miles from home. Your mission field can be your own back yard, or it can be your work place or anywhere you go.. You can be that friend that someone desprately needs. You can be that one small piece of light. But don''t ever forget who the source is.. Jesus is that sorce and He will supply you with your every need.. Just don''t try to fix it your self.. The more you try the more you will mess up thing.. He will never leave you. No matter what you are going through God will always be there. No matter what time of day it is God is always there and He is never to busy... All you have to do is call His name and He will never be to busy to listen. Jennifer BACK TO TESTIMONIES <GLORY LAND <HOME